Friday, 22 July 2011

UMMUKA's Jumuah Delights ! Parenting is Heart work!

Moms! Take heart. There is no such thing as being a perfect Mom; perfection belongs to Allah (SWT). Who do you want to be you? What do you want your children to remember you for?

I know it is not easy to change for the sake of Allah and/or the kids, we must realise that we must work hard to be good Muslims and the best servants of Allah (SWT).

Allah has not provided us we an A-Z guide to parenting, which is true. The same qualities that make a good Muslims are the same ones that make a good Mom. Allah reminds us about the character of the Prophet (SAW) – “Certainly you have in the Messenger of Allah an excellent exemplar for those who hope in Allah and the latter day and remember Allah much” (Al-Ahzab 33:21). Let us be that shining example for our kids.

When dealing with our kids, let us look to deal with their hearts, when we connect with their hearts they flourish and strive to emulate the good character we portray as parents. Ultimately, the primary aim for any Mom is to connect her kids’ hearts to Allah (SWT).

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible - Marion C. Garretty

A client of mine recently shared this story with me.

“Mom”, called out five-year-old Zainab. If you really want Allah to help you, don’t you think you should start wearing your hijab? Probably Allah will answer your prayers; you have always told me if I need to pray I should wear my hijab. So please get me a hijab so I can help you as well by praying to Allah”. Umm Zainab was full of guilt and embarrassment – she felt very bad and did question the type of role model she was to her daughter. In addition, whether she was an exemplar of good behaviour and character to her daughter?

Alhamdulillah! Allah guided her through her daughter to goodness and since that day, Umm Zainab has always worn her full hijab!
The actions we take and the choices we make say a lot to our children. Whether it is a sigh, a roll of the eyes, or a lie we tell on the phone, our children are watching and listening. You know the saying, "Actions speak louder than words". Words mean nothing if they are not backed by actions.

Show your children how you want them to behave. Show and tell your children that you love them unconditionally. Show your children what you want them to value in life. By being their role model, you are communicating your expectations to them. Endeavour to provide them with a set of values and beliefs that will shape their lives when they fly the nest.
My son, who knows my routine by my actions, asked me how much longer I was going to be on my laptop. I told him I was finishing the last e-mail of the day and then I was going to switch the lights off. He said to me, "Okay, I am going to my room after we have said our bedtime du’as together ". In a very subtle, but powerful way, I have communicated to my child that Allah and prayer (Du’a) are very important.

What do you want to communicate to your kids?
Think about what you say, how you say it, when you communicate, the words you do not say, and your behaviours. These are all ways you can send heartfelt and encouraging messages to your children.

Why don’t you make speaking to your child’s heart one of your Ramadan goals – I know you have all been in undated with e-mails and text messages on how to make this your BEST Ramadan ever! – this is now the time to start being that role model for your kid, I can just imaging how powerful that would be for you and your kids as you work as a team walking your way to Jannah Firdaws.

So let us begin by cleansing our hearts of those black dots, so we can receive the month of Ramadan with a clear mind and a purified heart.

I pray we all walk through the gate of Rayaan – the gate designated for those who fast. Ever since I have told my kids about this gate, they have always visualised themselves walking it through it with their grandma (my mom) because her name is Rayaan. May Allah bless them they always strive hard to complete their fasts with the hope of walking through the gates of Rayaan 

Allah tells us in the Qur’an - For each one is successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah. Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron. (Ra’d 13:11), a great reminder for us all!

Moms! We need to carve out a foundation for our children, with less than 10 days to Ramadan, why don’t you make a commitment today – to be an excellent mom.
What three traits do you want to realise more as a parent? Identify them and build them into your character today, there is no time like the present!

Share your traits with us on our face book page www.facebook/ummuka.

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