Friday, 10 June 2011

UMMUKA's Jumuah Delights! Raising Productive Kids!

"I served the Prophet (Sallalhu 'alayhi wasallam) for ten
Years, and he never said to me, "Uf" (a minor harsh word
Denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, "Why did
You do so or why didn't you do so?"

Moms! How many of us can put hand to heart and say we have never blamed our kids or shouted at them? Hmmm! – a tough challenge, everything is possible, if we keep at it working hard and calling on Allah SWT for guidance. Narrated by Anas (when mentioning his childhood)

Moms! Children are an amanah (trust) given to us by Allah and it is Fard (obligatory) upon us to raise our children in a righteous manner, raising them according to the principles and etiquettes of Islam.

Moms it’s very important to take some time out to ponder and reflect on the part you are playing or have played in your children’s’ journey of life. Do your children know their relationship with their creator? Remember! The angels, and when your children are presented with their book on that day will record all that them in life do. The day of accountability – the contents will be based on your work! Therefore, I ask what you are doing to ensure that your children’s book will reflect the correct Islamic cultivation and upbringing.

What advice will you be giving to your children on your deathbed? How confident will you be when reporting back to Allah – that you will be able to say, ”Allah I raised my children with Ihsan(excellence) to the best of my ability in accordance and obedience of YOUR laws”. – What a wonderful feeling this will be? Knowing that the journey begins and ends with Allah. How do we perform this most important role on earth?

Our children have rights over us as we do them; it is the parents’ obligation to shelter, feed, clothe, educate, support, nurture, and love them. It was narrated from “ Abd –Allah that the Prophet of Allah said: “Each of you is a Sheppard and is responsible for his flock” – The mom is the Sheppard of the home and children and is responsible for them.

Also, Luqman(AS) – advising his son said “o my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily, joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulum (wrong) indeed (Q31:13). I suppose the point I am making here is that how many us talk to our children in this manner, by embedding the Tawhid (oneness of Allah) in their hearts from a tender age.

In order to cultivate our children islamically and give them the correct tarribiyyah (Islamic nurturing), it is crucial as moms to understand the current environment, society and cultures that envelope our little gems. When we have a full understanding of how the society we live in operates and control our children, only then can we begin to adapt techniques to create confident remarkable kids.
Anas RA lived with the prophet SAW and not once did the Prophet SAW scold him or tell him off! – reflect on this for a moment. This clearly demonstrates that the Prophet Saw practised positive parenting and did not focus on negative behaviour. This resulted in a well-grounded confident individual, who has grown up on values – respect, self-esteem, discipline and morals.
Behind every successful person is a great woman and we doing not need to search far for evidence.

Our great mother Khadijah RA, gave the prophet full support and was instrumental to his success, she was a wife, friend, comforter, a woman of substance, –she encompassed everything a man could need in a woman. Our great Imams Bukhari and Malik were strongly encouraged by their mothers, and as a result became great men leaving behind an ever-lasting legacy.

Anas did not end up with the Prophet SAW by accident, his mother offered him in servitude to the Prophet SAW know the greater benefits in this world and the hereafter – knowing this what type of mother are you and are going to be for our children?, knowing yourself worth and accepting this role and responsibility Allah has given you. How will you perform this role with Ihsan (excellence) without losing sight of your final destination – Jannah!
How do we bring about and develop Islamic personality in our children? As moms, we need to realise that this role starts from the moment the child is conceived – I see this as the beginning of the bonding period. You are preparing yourself for the great arrival!

The bonding between mother and baby begins during pregnancy a relationship that is retained and maintained and nurtured after birth until the rest of the child’s life.
The first stage is to provide the child with the basic human needs – food, love, warm, a sense of security and belonging; shelter and full attention. All of this is crucial for the development of the child in the latter stages of their life. The child who feels loved, nurtured and respected – becomes more receptive to others and will be able to reciprocate in the same manner. As they flourish and grow, they will learn new skills such as – responsibility, patience, and self-control, respect, communicating and sharing. There is one thing that never changes from infancy to childhood – the need for affection and love. How do we embed these qualities in our children? The starting point will be to nurture a positive relationship with them, through communication and building rapport with them. We have to realise that communication and active listening are fundamental to the development of our relationship with our children, - a channel that has to be open for life.
Allah has appointed you as a Sheppard over your flock… you are your child’s role model and umbilical cord to Allah.

They will more than likely mirror the values, beliefs and standards of those who surround them, what kind of a life are you leading? What type of family environment are you creating – is it one based on the principles of Islam morals and etiquettes’? If not, I am afraid you will be heading down the wrong road. It’s never too late to get back onto the straight path; today start being that Mom you want like to your children to see – I like my children to see a strong firm well balanced woman that upholds and obeys the laws of Allah SWT, and emulating and acting upon the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW – constantly striving for Jannah.

I ask are you a visionary parent?
If you are what vision, do you have for yourself and your children? Let us take Action NOW!


what would you like your children to see on you?

What would you like to contribute to their lives?

How would you like to influence their lives?

Our primary goal and basic purpose is to develop the consciousness, love, fear and hope of Allah in our children (Taqwa).

As my children were growing up, I tried to figure out ways of creating the fear of Allah in them. One thing that worked well , was sharing a name of Allah and its attributes- this worked wonders for me. I choose the Ar ROQIB (the watchful) – if children can understand that the Ar Roqib sees them, hears them and is watchful of all they do, this will be a fantastic achievement. Now that they are grown up and have a better understanding of issues and Allah’s laws – they have come to a realisation that it is best to tell the truth, be kind and loving to others and always striving to the do right things because Allah is watching.

Also in Surah Fajr Allah tells us “For your Lord is watchful” (Q89:14). May Allah bless and reward all moms with the highest station in Jannah! –Ameen.

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Khafayah Abdulsalam


1 comment:

  1. Masha'Allah, great article. You know, even though my daughter is just 11 months old, I should act in a manner that I should be happy with. Sometimes I say things that I wouldn't say if she was older. But this is the time to start or else it'll be a habit and will stay even after she grows up.
    Jazakillah khair!